Our Priorities as Christian Women

I don't know about you, but my best thinking happens when I cook alone in the kitchen.  Quiet and alone with my thoughts, things tend to come together better and more easily.  Tonight, while in the kitchen together whipping up baked ziti for dinner, I started thinking.  There's a whole string of thoughts that have been on my mind for quite some time and I just wasn't sure how to make them fit into a blog post.  While stirring my sauce it hit me, some women just have their priorities wrong.

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Our modern day society tells us so many trivial things are important.  Big houses, multiple cars, name brand food and clothing to name a few.  Not even going into the desire for technology to be omnipresent.  Society is wrong, leading us like a cow to slaughter.  It's caused us to tame our husbands, neglect our children, and mock the ideas of homemaking.  Where has it gotten us?  We are training up a generation that is unintelligent, materialistic, and lazy.  We are forsaking the passing down of traditions, and our young women can't bake pies, much less care for a home.

I believe a huge reason this has happened, is because we have forgotten what our priorities are.  We've forgotten and lost sight of what is important.  Here is an example on how I feel many women view their priorities...

Children.

Husband.

Career.

Church.

Home.

This creates a very unbalanced life, a life in which nothing is where it should be.  Children are being shuffled around and put into so many activities they are constantly busy.  Husbands are neglected, disrespected, and snapped at.  Career is so important it overwhelms and overtakes time and energy that is limited.  Church becomes more of an idol and popularity contest than it is about serving the Lord and reaching out to those in need.  Lastly, our homes are thrust to the bottom of the pile.  An empty, stressed environment that is no longer sacred and inviting.  I believe having such priorities sets women up to be unfulfilled, sour, and unhappy.  So here is how I think our priorities should look...

God.  Jesus said that our greatest commandment above all others was to love the Lord with all your heart, soul and mind. (Matthew 22:35-38)  Our relationship with God is the foundation of our life.  He is our rock on which we build our lives.  We want to be like the wise man and build our lives on the rock, not in the sand where it will be washed away.  (Matthew 7:24-27)

Husband.  It is so important to always remember your husband as your best friend.  Constantly cultivating your marriage, helping him, respecting him is so important.  I also believe if you have children this makes a lasting impression on them.

Children.  Today's society almost always tries to put children as a priority over our husbands, but that is not how God meant it to be.  A strong marriage is one of the best things and examples you could ever give your child.

Home.  Today most people scoff even at the idea of homemaking, much less having it as a top priority in their lives.  The fact of the matter is making a house a home is more than just paint and furniture.  It's about children knowing where there mom is.  Knowing when they get home, she'll be there to listen to what happened at school.  Husbands will know when they come home from work food will be ready.  It's creating a haven, a safe, comfy place for everyone to rest in.  It's about making memories, and keeping the peace.

Church.  Church is low on this list of priorities which probably makes some women wonder if it's right.  I believe that it's in the right place though.  Church is a gathering together of believers to grow in Christ.  I think all to often church becomes an idol, and women can become too involved.

Whether we like to admit it or not, we all have priorities.  The way we live our lives, treat our families, and care for our homes all speak volumes into what we find important.  It's never to late to take a stand, and pull our lives back from the rat race they've become.  I chose to live simply, love fully, and have no regrets, how about you?

Marriage Truths

Last month my husband and I shared our 3^rd wedding anniversary.  It’s hard to believe it’s already been 3 years.  At the same time I'm glad, because it means we have many more years to go.  I thought today I would share some of the truths I've learned over the course of our relationship and marriage.

-God is important.  It is important, and vital to keep God in the middle of your relationship and marriage.  You won’t succeed all the time, you will fail, but it’s an important thing to strive for.

-Ain’t no such thing as perfection.  You are going to fail as a wife, a partner, and as a best friend.  You will fail your husband, and you will hurt him.  You will burn dinner, break something, or fall below his expectations.  You are human, and this is ok.  Learn to be humble, and apologize for your shortcomings.  Don’t ignore your imperfections, face them, and fight against them.  Everyone makes mistakes, but if you are not learning and growing from yours you have a problem.

-You are going to get hurt.  Your husband is going to say something to you in a harsh tone.  He’s going to fail to provide something to you, whether this is physical, emotional, mentally, or elsewise.  This is natural, and normal.

-Don’t harden your heart.  When you get hurt, don’t put the walls around your heart up.  Don’t harbor it, don’t let it fester.  If you get hurt, if you get disappointed, if you have a problem, pray.  Then talk to your husband about it.  You will feel better, and you will be taking steps is solving the problem.

-You gotta grow up.  Once you are married you have to grow up.  You don’t get to lean on your parents anymore; you don’t get to live your life for yourself.  You are bonded to another person now.  You won’t get your way, and you’ll have to be a woman and be ok with it.  You’ll have to get your hands dirty, and clean up a lot of dirty socks.  You will have to do things you don’t want to do, DO THEM.  Don’t pout, don’t complain, just do it.

-Life’s not fair.  This is a hard truth!  You are not going to get your way.  You are not going to be able to control your husband and your marriage.  Unexpected things will happen and you will just have to go with it.

-You will fight.  When you meet your guy, fall in love and get married you will feel perfect for each other.  No serious fights, no annoyances.  It’ll be roses and sunshine.  Unfortunately you will get your share of rainclouds.  You’ll wonder if you made a mistake, if he really is the one.  Should you have married him?  You’ll wonder how on earth someone could be so annoying!  This is normal; you can’t spend forever with someone and always feel great about it.  People get cranky…it’s ok!  Try to stay positive!  If some alone time, a nap, or a hot bath would improve the situation, do it!

-Don’t talk to others about your husband.  Don’t.  Don’t even think about it.  If your husband has gotten on your nerves, don’t go gossiping, and chattering to your parents about it.  Don’t talk to your friends about it.  If you have a problem, you talk to one person, your husband.  If you have a serious problem, talk to a pastor, or counselor.  Don’t tease your husband in front of others unless you know, 110% he is ok with what you are saying.

-Laugh.  When your husband messes up, laugh instead of getting angry.  When he breaks something, scuffs something, or leaves a dirty handprint on the wall, laugh.  The first time we moved I told my husband to be careful with one, fragile item.  A pair of salt and pepper shaker snowmen.  He broke them.  I thought I was going to burst into tears, but I laughed instead.  If you can laugh, please do.

-Communication.  This is probably one of the single most important truths in marriage.  Communication makes or breaks.  You need to talk about life, love, hurt, religion, food, everything.  Ask questions, ask what he’s thinking, and tell him your honest thoughts.  Don’t talk too much, but know your husband as well as you can.  And remember, as much as you know him, as much as you know his likes and dislikes, you don’t know all of him.  There will be fleeting thoughts, memories, and much more you will never know.  As much as you know him, there is a vast portion you don’t know.  Also, it is so important to remember the most important communication is when it’s hard.  It’s when you’re hurting, and when you’re angry.  You need to tell him how you feel and why.

Reading all this may be discouraging.  You may see a lot of negatives here, but don’t let that fool you.  You will love your husband in a way you can’t even imagine.  He will become your other half.  You will realize you don’t know how you would function without him.  The thought of losing him will take your breath away.  He will be your voice when you can’t speak, the strength you need to stand, and the friend all your secrets are safe with.

What are your marriage truths?  Feel free to share!

Nasty Nagging

Have you ever been reading through your bible and read a verse that made you stop and wonder, “Is that me? Am I doing this in my marriage?”  You get a little twinge of fear and conviction, and savor the words you read.  I know I have.  This is the verse I read that really stuck with me.

“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.”  Proverbs 25:24

That description is so vivid.  It would be better for a husband to live on the corner of a roof than to live in a mansion that houses a brawling wife.  In case you were wondering the definition of brawling is “a noisy quarrel, squabble, or fight”.  Worse of all, this verse is mentioned TWICE in Proverbs, and for good measure there is the following verse as well.

“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.” Proverbs 27:15

We all know how annoying the sound of dripping water can be, or any small, repetitive sound.  Just think, we may be that kind of annoying to our husbands.  Are you being a brawling, contentious wife?

No one out there should answer that with a no by the way!  None of us are perfect, and we are all guilty of nagging, and complaining.  It is in our nature to be sinful.  It would be more unfortunate, in my opinion, if we denied such faults.  We make mistakes, it’s ok, we need to apologize and move forward.  We, as wives, as Christians, need to step up to the plate and make the conscious decision to be better.  If you read those scriptures and thought, “Gee, this is something I need to work on.” Then don’t ignore it, make changes to make it better!

In my marriage I do my very best to be laid back about things.  It is a natural personality trait of mine, but it doesn’t always come easy.  When I have asked my husband to do something, and he hasn’t done it, it is HARD to hold my tongue.  The same applies when my husband makes a mistake, I want to say I told you so, and lecture him, but that is not a way to make him feel respected.  Here are a few tips to consider, to keep from being a leaky faucet.

Communicate.  This is so, so, so, so, so important.  Really, it is.  The bible says not to be nagging, not to be quarrelsome, but it doesn’t say you should hold in all the frustration you feel.  If there is something causing a problem don’t nag and pick fights, grow up and talk to him about it.  Don’t try to be strong, and hard and keep it all in.  When you do that you are letting Satan grab hold of your heart.  You are letting tiny problems fester and infect your marriage. Keep composure when talking, and if you feel things getting heated, it’s ok to take a mini break.

Gentle Reminders.  Send him a text, or write a little note as a reminder.  Be loving, funny, and yourself though!  Compliment him, tell him a joke, and at the end add a little, P.S. don’t forget the milk! or even more effective, P.S. if you remember to grab milk on the way home I’ll have a batch of fresh, warm cookies waiting for you!

It Doesn't Work.  Has anyone actually ever nagged someone and gotten what they wanted?  If you nag your husband every time he has the common courtesy to be honest with you, he may stop telling you things.  That is not what you want in a marriage.

Do you have any tips to keep from being a Nagging Nancy?  Feel free to share in the comments!

Be A Dog

I'm going to be dishing out some revolutionary marriage and relationship advice today.  Be a dog.  Well, actually, it's more like love like a dog.  If you have a dog, you probably know what I mean.

When you own a dog, you have a best friend, always loyal, always caring, always accepting of who you are.  You can scold a dog, yet it will still love you, and wag it's tail at you.  At the end of the day, that dog is going to love you good times or bad.

I heard this song tonight, which inspired this post.  It's a country song called "Like My Dog" by Billy Currington.  Here are the lyrics...

He never tells me that he's sick of this house

He never says, "Why don't you get off the couch?"

He don't cost e nothin' when he wants to go out

I want you to love me like my dog

He never says I need a new attitude

Him and my sister ain't always in a feud

When I leave the sea up, he don't think that's rude

I want you to love me like my dog does baby

When I come home want you to just go crazy

He never looks at me like he might hate me

I want you to love me like my dog

He never acts like he don't care for my friends

He never asks me "Where have you been?"

He don't play dead when I want to pet him

I want you to love me like my dog does, honey

He never says, "I wish you made more money"

He always thinks that pull my finger's funny

I want you to love me like my dog

I know this post is short and to the point, and I hope you guys don't mind.  There's actually a lot going on around here.  Would totally appreciate your prayers!  I hope to elaborate more soon.

Getting Real: Part Two

Today I’m talking about my marriage.  I’ve been with my husband for 6 years, and have been married for two.  I feel as though I am very lucky to have married my best friend.  I knew Rob very well before marrying him, so when I did get married I wasn’t shell shocked.  I never would have guessed I would find so many socks crammed in different places, and I didn’t realize just how much laundry I would have to do.  I also had no idea my husband was a sleep talker, who tends to yell out random things, and for the first 6 months he would manage to hit me in my sleep!  He seemed to have no perception that someone else was in the bed too!  I swear for the first 6-8 months of being married I felt very sleep deprived.  Below I’m going to share a short list of things I have learned during the course of our relationship.

Relationships fluctuate.  You will have days, weeks, maybe even months where you feel completely in love, connected, and dedicated to your husband.  For my husband and I during these times we can finish each other sentences, and have a tendency to say the same thing at the same time.  You will also have times when you feel disconnected, far away, and may even have a general dislike for your spouse.  When this happens you have a choice to make.  Pout about it, and dwell on all the times he’s made a mistake, or make an effort to fix the issue.  Usually it means spending some quality time with your spouse, telling them your thoughts and feelings, writing a note or even praying.

The first 5 minutes sets the tone.  How you greet your husband when he comes home, can make or break your evening.  I am usually cooking when my husband gets home, even if I feel rushed, or overwhelmed, I try to be happy and pleasant when he comes in.  Usually my husband comes home, munches on whatever he can while I cook, sits down and starts talking about his day.  I cook and listen.  Sometimes he comes home, we talk briefly and he retreats to his comfy chair.  I also have days where he comes in very quiet.  This usually means he’s tired, may not feel well, or has had a long day.  It’s these days when my attitude is especially important.  I listen to what he says, make sure to be as nice as possible, and I always, always, always go out of my way to make him smile or laugh.  Once you get someone smiling and laughing, it starts to change things.  Having a pleasant first few minutes, puts the rest of the evening on the right track.

Communicate.  This is such an important thing to do.  You should ask your husband questions about his day, and ask questions about what he did.  You should also tell about your day, if you learned something new, or saw something interesting in an article or on the news.  Talk about what you would do if you won the lottery, or what his least favorite meal is.  Ask him what he is thinking, what you could do to make his life easier, ask if he wants you to lay out his work clothes or his church clothes.  You could spend your life assuming your husband likes this or that, or that he wants certain things, but unless you ask, you could be neglecting your husband.  Don’t forget to be honest and share the same things about yourself as well!

Be nice.  There are days when I’m tired, or just plain cranky.  The same goes for my husband.  Or maybe a joke gets annoying or goes too far.  For example, two weeks ago my husband and I went shopping.  We’re being ornery and joking with each other.  My husband said something that kind of annoyed me.  So I said something to annoy him.  We nit-picked each other the entire day!  Are we the only couple out there that does this?  If you ever find yourself in this situation, I have the solution for you.  Say you’re sorry, and agree to a truce.  Seal it with a pinky promise, and try to be good for the rest of the day.  I also notice myself being snarky sometimes for no reason.  I just start saying snarky things, and then my husband will say something not snarky, but I find it snarky.  I am almost always tired in these situations.  And you know what I do?  Tell my husband I’m sorry, and go to sleep.  You’ll wake up wondering why you were such a meanie.  This can also happen the other way around.  Sometimes my husband gets super cranky if he’s tired!  Best thing to do is ignore the other person and get them to bed!

Have fun with your husband.  He is your best friend.  Enjoy activities together.  This varies from couple to couple.  For my husband and I it’s watching movies or our favorite shows together, playing video games, going to walmart (even to just walk around) road trips, or sitting by a bon fire.  Tell each other jokes, have tickle fights, throw caution to the wind and just have fun!

I don’t want this to get too long, so I’m going to stop there.  Ladies, remember that your husband is like no other husband.  He was made specifically for you.  Sometimes he’s going to drive you batty, but be thankful for him.  Remember to tell him, and show him you love him often.

What have you learned during the course of your relationship?

Anniversaries and Tippy Toes...

First I'll start with a puppy update!  Duke is doing really, really good.  He seems much more back to normal, and not in as much pain, which is WONDERFUL!  We went in on Saturday for them to re-wrap the bandage but they just took it off instead!  We were so excited, and so was Duke.  They advised us to get a e-collar for him to keep him from licking his staples, but we didn't.  Duke is pretty amazing at listening when it comes to things like that.  He's licked it a few times, and we've told him no, and he then starts taking big huge licks of his ankle!  Or if he's feeling particularly ornery he will take his whole ankle into his mouth and bite on it.  I'm not sure what he's imply by doing that just yet.  Over the last few days Duke has been holding his leg lower, so where his knee was at a 90 degree angle almost all the time, now his paw nearly touches the ground when he walks.  Yesterday we took a little longer walk than we have been.  I figure it won't hurt being as he isn't actually using his leg and he is, at all times, on a lead.  While we were out he really stretched his leg a few times, and at one point took two, itty bitty tippy toe steps with his leg!!!!!  And he would also "fake walk" he moved his leg as if he were using it, without touching his paw to the ground.  We go back to the vet October 3rd to get  his staples out, and I'm assuming we'll have another follow up after that.  I would share pictures, but like I said, he's back to being difficult!!

Yesterday was Rob and I's two year anniversary!  It's hard to believe we've been married two years!  This time two years ago we were on our way to South Padre Island for our honeymoon!  It's been a wonderful two years, and I have no doubt that there will be many more.  I thought I'd share the card Rob got me for our anniversary.

Rob is the best card picker outer ever.  He always just gets the perfect card.  I don't know how he does it!

Soul Mateys!!

"Here's to where we've been...here's to where we're going...here's to our life together under this big blue sky of sunshine and stars.  I love being in the same boat with you."

How long have you been married?  Have any marriage advice to share? Feel free to leave it in the comments, or just say hi!

Blogging Outside The Box: Old Journal Entry

Mrs. T over at Mrs. T, Naturally has started her own weekly blog challenge/topic, which I decided to join!  For this first challenge you are to post a blog/journal/diary entry from the past.  I had to dig deep within one of my old xangas to find a post worth sharing!  I also have to admit that I'm cheating and showing two not just one.  I saw them both and loved them both so here they are!

"I can have a completely normal non-special day, and then all of a sudden, bam!  A song plays, a mans face flashes across a screen, a smell touches me, and it's all un-normal after that.  It takes me to that place, that time, that moment, when he was touching me, smiling at me, saying my name.  It's the look in his eyes, the touch of his hand, the strength and determination in his soul.  He's the keeper of me, he's the challenger to all I am.  I live for this man, I adore him, I am connected to him...not just now, not just tomorrow, but I always have been.  He was the piece of my puzzle I longed to find, he's everything.  Do you understand?! People, do you get it?!  I will marry this man, I will love him till I die, I will have his children, and see his face every morning.  We won't have perfection, we won't live forever happily ever after, there's going to be problems, but I relish these moments.  The ones where I feel it all and see it all, and understand what we have." ((Written November 7th, 2006--Rob and I hadn't even been together a full year yet!))

"Our relationship has come so far. This coming Thursday, will mark 2 years. It will be the first time I have actually made it that far, and still been happy. Not just happy, but completely consumed. I love him in a way I've never loved anyone. It's a love so different then any other love I have ever had. I'm so thankful he came into my life. I cannot imagine my life without him. It really shouldn't have worked, we shouldn't be celebrating 2 years. Everyone has always told us we would fail. Parents, family, friends...It's always been Robby wasn't good enough, and I had too many emotional problems. No one ever could have imagined that when we were put together, we were nothing more then explosive. He knows me, all my thoughts, dreams, hopes, inspirations, he knows how I am put together, he knows the right things to say, and the ways to touch not only my skin, but my soul. He makes my heart melt with just one look. I know people must see what I write, and the way I talk, and think we're just pretending. We ignore our problems. It couldn't be further from the truth. Our fights are brutal and ruthless sometimes. But I need his honesty. I need him to give me a reality check, and remind me I am not always right. And well, of course he isn't always right! I feel as though my entire life, I was caged in a tight cocoon. I always did what was right, what was expected, I tried to be so good, and so perfect. Robby just cut the cocoon open, and he held my wings as I learned to fly. He whispered encouragement into my ear, and I soared, and I laughed, and I opened my eyes for the very first time. Black and white to technicolor. I've never doubted our love, I've never second guessed my feelings. My heart has always known, my soul has always been his. I love him, I love him so much. Two years, in just a few, short, beautiful days. I cannot wait to celebrate this milestone, but even more, I cannot wait to celebrate 5 years, then 10, 15, and even 20. It's simply amazing."  ((Written November 12th, 2007))

In just a short two weeks Rob and I will be celebrating our 2nd wedding anniversary!  It's hard to believe it's been two years.  In November we'll be celebrating 6 years having been together!  I still love him just as much, and he still annoys me just as much too!

Good Wife Guide

This is an excerpt from The Good Wife Guide which was printed in the early 1960’s.

” 1. Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return from work. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

2. Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it. Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

3. Gather up school books, toys, papers etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables. During the colder months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. Minimize all noise.

4. At the time of his arrival eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

5. Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

6. Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Don't greet him with complaints and problems. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner, or even stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day. Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom.

7. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange the pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice. Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.

8. Once he has had a chance to have his evening meal clear the dishes and wash up promptly. If your husband should offer to help decline his offer as he may feel obliged to repeat this offer and after a long working day he does not need the extra work.

9. Encourage your husband to pursue his hobbies and interests and be supportive without seeming to encroach. If you have any little hobbies yourself try not to bore him speaking of these, as women's interests are often rather trivial compared to men's.
At the end of the evening tidy the home ready for the morning and again think ahead to his breakfast needs. Your husband's breakfast is vital if he is to face the outside world in a positive fashion.

10. Once you have both retired to the bedroom prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed.

11. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night..”

An interesting set of tips and advice if I do say so myself!  I have seen blogs who try to imply these tips in their everyday life, as they truly believe this is the way a good wife would behave.  I personally think these ladies from the 1960’s had some great pointers, but in some ways they missed the mark.  First and foremost, I want to say one thing in particular.  Every man is different, every woman is different, God made us as unique as snowflakes.  In the same way every person is unique, so is every relationship.  That being said, what floats the goat in our relationship, may not work for yours.  I really, strongly, suggest you talk to your husband about what his likes and dislikes are, AND express yours as well.  Honest communication is what great relationships are made out of.  I’ve numbered the above paragraphs so I can give a rundown of what I think the goods and bads are for each one.

1.   I think this is a pretty good, solid tip.  I know for me personally, my husband does truly enjoy having food ready or almost ready when he gets home.  What doesn’t totally work for me in this particular paragraph is I don’t have everything all planned out a night before, and the food may not be sliding onto the table right when my husband gets home.  My reasons for this are the fact that I text my husband every day while he’s at work to ask what it is he wants for dinner, we always agree on something that sounds good to both of us, and then I cook it while he’s on his way home from work.  I don’t always have things ready to eat when he gets home because he may be late.  I always wait until he tells me he has left work to start cooking.

2.  I think it is pretty important to try to avoid looking like road-kill when your husband comes home, and if he ever walks in and shrieks when he looks your way, you may need to re-evaluate what you’re doing.  I also think it’s important to be human about this as well.  You aren’t perfect, so you shouldn’t try to kill yourself to look perfect.  And, you may want to talk to your husband about what he likes.  You know how you think slathering on lip-gloss makes you look more put together when he gets home?  Believe it or not some guys HATE lip-gloss, so you might question your guy a bit.  I do think having a tidy home (doesn’t have to be clean) is important for a husband coming home.  And in the end, I think a good attitude will cheer him up more than a ribbon in your hair!

3.  I really think this one is a lot like number two, so I don’t have any additional thing to say.

4.  I think this is really interesting advice.  I’m actually going to be talking to my husband about this to see if noise bothers him when he gets home.  He has never said anything about it so I’m assuming it doesn’t bother him.  I definitely think this is something that would vary greatly between people.  How you greet your husband is a big deal though.  They say the first 5 minutes you spend with your partner after a long day sets the tone for the entire evening.  I think it’s really important to greet your husband happily.  The most important part to this one is to LISTEN.  It is so important to listen to what your husband is talking to you about.  That is the very first thing that happens when my husband gets home.  He starts telling me pretty much everything about his day.  This can be difficult to me at times, because he is a diesel mechanic and I don’t know a thing about fifth wheels, fly wheels, or tripaks.  If your husband is talking about something from work you don’t understand,  ask him questions!  Don’t ask a thousand, but feel free to ask him to explain more.

5. I think this one is very subjective.  I kind of agree, and don’t agree at the same time.  When my husband comes home, it is my personal goal, for all work to cease for the day.  That means he has no chores after he walks through the door.  It also means I stop working too.  Once he’s home we spend time together, doing things we want to do together.  I don’t think it’s ok for your husband to come home and be glued to football, you guys should do something your both happy with.  As to not complaining if he is late or goes out to dinner or “other places of entertainment”, I think this is very debatable.  I do not complain when my husband is late, why would I? He’s being dedicated to me and his job when he works late.  I would have problems if my husband went out to dinner or “other places of entertainment” if we didn’t talk about it before hand.  Not to mention this “other places of entertainment” is sounding pretty sketchy if you ask me.

6.  Another love, hate paragraph!  Home should always be a haven.  Your husband should come home and be able to relax, not feel overwhelmed.  However, we may be spending all our time trying to make our home and haven, but we may be missing out on what he really wants or needs.  Ask what is most important to him!  I don’t think it’s wise to complain about your husband being late for dinner.  I know with my husband it’s our policy that if he is late he’ll let me know.  That way food doesn’t get cold, etc.

7.  Your husband is not your child.  I would find it really weird taking my husband’s shoes off, and to be honest, he would probably think I’d gone of my rocker if I did.  In the summer though, he loves it if he comes home and there is cold Dr. Pepper in the fridge.  I think you should be able to ask your husband questions about actions or judgments.  I do think however, you should ask, not get snippy and start assuming things about what he’s decided.

8.  This one just doesn’t apply to our relationship.  I will be the first to say on almost all occasions after dinner, dishes go to the sink, and I do them the next day.  I also would, personally, never ask my husband to do the dishes after a meal, but maybe your husband doesn’t mind and likes to help!

9.  I think it is very good to encourage your husband to have hobbies, and to let him do those hobbies without your interference.  I also believe though, you and your husband should be spending time together without hobbies getting in the way.   I also hate the fact that they say that if you have any “little hobbies” to not talk to him about those, as it may bore him.  The fact of the matter is, your husband is your best friend, and you should totally be able to talk to him about your hobbies, big or little.  I wouldn’t suggest rattling off too long about them, but I think its good communication to tell him what you’re working on and how it’s going.

10.  I think the most important part of this is to remember to look your best when going to bed.  Well, I don’t think you should have make up on, and I don’t think you should go to bed trying to look good and end up being uncomfortable, but perhaps wearing those holey sweats aren’t a good idea.  Cute pajamas are a good thing!

11.  I nearly laughed out loud when I read this line, “If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.”  Oh my word, I could totally envision you walking towards bed in a dimly lit room and your husband catching a glimpse and shrieking because he thought you may be medusa!  I personally don’t use face-cream or hair-rollers, but I don’t think you’re going to give your husband a heart attack if he sees you with either.  Your husband loves you, and you aren’t perfect.  I don’t think face-cream is going to be the downfall of your relationship!

All in all, I really don’t think there is a perfect guide out there on how to be the perfect wife.  Mainly because every husband is different, and wants and needs different things.  Try as I may, my husband would never feel loved by me taking off his shoes, however having cheese sticks out on the table waiting for him to get home would change the course of his day.  All marriage advice needs to be customized to your marriage.  Don’t be afraid to talk to you husband about what he wants, or needs.  AND don’t forget to share what you want and need as well.  We can’t assume our husband’s needs, and he can’t assume ours, so save yourself the time and disappointment and talk about it!

What do you think about these good wife tips?

Marriage Tips

Tips to a Great Marriage

 Communicate! Communication is huge in any relationship, and especially marriage. If you don’t talk about how you feel, what you want, or what’s wrong, you’re not going to make it very far. At times I really struggle with communicating. I usually feel dumb for saying how I feel or what’s wrong. Sometimes, I can muster the courage to blurt it all out, and if I can’t, I write it down and give it to my husband to read. Or even send an e-mail. In the end, what you feel and think has to be shared, it has to be out in the open.
 Trustworthy! You have to be honest and trustworthy in a relationship. I very strongly believe you CANNOT have a relationship if you do not trust your husband. Likewise, if your husband can’t trust you. That means you have to be honest when you talk to your husband. Don’t lie, or lie by omission. Keep your actions appropriate.
 No Expectations! Don’t expect him to read your mind, bring you flowers, or buy you a for no reason gift. If he doesn’t you’ll be hurt and angry. If he does, then it will be a nice surprise! Also, don’t expect him to act like your friends or family members husband. Everyone is different, and works in a different way.
 Focus On Your Husband! This is hard, because us humans are selfish by nature. We have a tendency to think of ourselves first and others last. It is so important though, and such a beautiful thing when you think of your husband before yourself, and he thinks of you before himself.
 Make Him Feel Loved! I mentioned it in a blog post before, but I found a site that gives a list of 100 ways to love your husband (there is also one with 100 ways to love your wife). What you do is you print off the list and give it to your husband, and have him mark which things on the list make him feel loved. You’ll probably be surprised.
 Laugh! Laughing is very important in my husband and I’s relationship. Things go so wrong sometimes, or things are just so difficult. You just have to laugh sometimes! In addition to that, it’s also extremely important to watch funny shows, or joke together. Laughing and being happy with your spouse is an awesome thing.
 Do Something! Our budget is tight, so we struggle to go out. Not to mention my husband works from 3 PM-Midnight. Most places are closed when my husband gets home. However, where there is a will there is a way! You don’t have to go out to dinner. Or even spend money to do something together. Museums, parks, camping, window shopping, taking a drive, sitting outside watching nature, fishing, at home dates (that include great food and dressing nice) are just a few things you can do. You can even do a google search and it’ll give you great date ideas that can be done at home, or at a very low cost. Another great idea is playing video games together or board games.

These are just a few tips I have for making a great marriage. A marriage isn’t always happy, it isn’t always easy, but it’s almost always worth all the work you put into it. What are your tips for having a great marriage!?