Marriage Truths

Last month my husband and I shared our 3rd wedding anniversary.  It’s hard to believe it’s already been 3 years.  At the same time I'm glad, because it means we have many more years to go.  I thought today I would share some of the truths I've learned over the course of our relationship and marriage.

-God is important.  It is important, and vital to keep God in the middle of your relationship and marriage.  You won’t succeed all the time, you will fail, but it’s an important thing to strive for.

-Ain’t no such thing as perfection.  You are going to fail as a wife, a partner, and as a best friend.  You will fail your husband, and you will hurt him.  You will burn dinner, break something, or fall below his expectations.  You are human, and this is ok.  Learn to be humble, and apologize for your shortcomings.  Don’t ignore your imperfections, face them, and fight against them.  Everyone makes mistakes, but if you are not learning and growing from yours you have a problem.

-You are going to get hurt.  Your husband is going to say something to you in a harsh tone.  He’s going to fail to provide something to you, whether this is physical, emotional, mentally, or elsewise.  This is natural, and normal.

-Don’t harden your heart.  When you get hurt, don’t put the walls around your heart up.  Don’t harbor it, don’t let it fester.  If you get hurt, if you get disappointed, if you have a problem, pray.  Then talk to your husband about it.  You will feel better, and you will be taking steps is solving the problem.

-You gotta grow up.  Once you are married you have to grow up.  You don’t get to lean on your parents anymore; you don’t get to live your life for yourself.  You are bonded to another person now.  You won’t get your way, and you’ll have to be a woman and be ok with it.  You’ll have to get your hands dirty, and clean up a lot of dirty socks.  You will have to do things you don’t want to do, DO THEM.  Don’t pout, don’t complain, just do it.

-Life’s not fair.  This is a hard truth!  You are not going to get your way.  You are not going to be able to control your husband and your marriage.  Unexpected things will happen and you will just have to go with it.

-You will fight.  When you meet your guy, fall in love and get married you will feel perfect for each other.  No serious fights, no annoyances.  It’ll be roses and sunshine.  Unfortunately you will get your share of rainclouds.  You’ll wonder if you made a mistake, if he really is the one.  Should you have married him?  You’ll wonder how on earth someone could be so annoying!  This is normal; you can’t spend forever with someone and always feel great about it.  People get cranky…it’s ok!  Try to stay positive!  If some alone time, a nap, or a hot bath would improve the situation, do it!

-Don’t talk to others about your husband.  Don’t.  Don’t even think about it.  If your husband has gotten on your nerves, don’t go gossiping, and chattering to your parents about it.  Don’t talk to your friends about it.  If you have a problem, you talk to one person, your husband.  If you have a serious problem, talk to a pastor, or counselor.  Don’t tease your husband in front of others unless you know, 110% he is ok with what you are saying.

-Laugh.  When your husband messes up, laugh instead of getting angry.  When he breaks something, scuffs something, or leaves a dirty handprint on the wall, laugh.  The first time we moved I told my husband to be careful with one, fragile item.  A pair of salt and pepper shaker snowmen.  He broke them.  I thought I was going to burst into tears, but I laughed instead.  If you can laugh, please do.

-Communication.  This is probably one of the single most important truths in marriage.  Communication makes or breaks.  You need to talk about life, love, hurt, religion, food, everything.  Ask questions, ask what he’s thinking, and tell him your honest thoughts.  Don’t talk too much, but know your husband as well as you can.  And remember, as much as you know him, as much as you know his likes and dislikes, you don’t know all of him.  There will be fleeting thoughts, memories, and much more you will never know.  As much as you know him, there is a vast portion you don’t know.  Also, it is so important to remember the most important communication is when it’s hard.  It’s when you’re hurting, and when you’re angry.  You need to tell him how you feel and why.

Reading all this may be discouraging.  You may see a lot of negatives here, but don’t let that fool you.  You will love your husband in a way you can’t even imagine.  He will become your other half.  You will realize you don’t know how you would function without him.  The thought of losing him will take your breath away.  He will be your voice when you can’t speak, the strength you need to stand, and the friend all your secrets are safe with.

What are your marriage truths?  Feel free to share!

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