A Day In My Life...

You wake up to the joyful sound of cats fighting.  You try to make breakfast but drop your ENTIRE carton of eggs after tripping over your dog, who is literally always in the way.  Negative on the omelet, so you make waffles instead.  You eat breakfast, husband is on his way, you sit down to plan your day with a cup of coffee only to discover someone, cat or dog, has spilled water over your entire notebook with your schedules and important papers.  You take a deep breath, a sip of coffee, and you try to write on water soaked pages.  You get frustrated, give up, and get up to get a different notebook.  You sit down to write your list, but can’t find your pen.  You look under your notebooks, under the table, only to see it all the way across the room where you found your not wet notebook.  You finally make your schedule and to do list.  You get ready to get to work, but you realize your dogs are looking at you pitifully and realize you need to take them on a walk.  So, you get dressed, they realize they’re going for a walk, and start rough housing it all over the furniture, and the floor.  You trip over them five thousand times, and manage to step on a cats tail because she’s rubbing you, demanding to be fed.  You feed the cat, and try to find your shoes which have UTTERLY disappeared.  You yell at the dog for eating the cat food, and the dog proceeds to literally spit cat food all over the floor.  You sigh.  You find a shoe under the kitchen table.  The other one under the bed.  How on Earth did they get so far apart?!  You get your shoes on, you wrestle with over excited 300 pound dogs, get their leads on, and trip your way up the stairs.  You get to the open pasture, and let the dogs go free!  You go on a 30 minute walk, thinking about your day, and what you hope to get done.  Walk is done so you call your dogs, they come barreling towards you and you warn them not to knock you down, and they actually listen!  However, one dog is dripping wet covered in burrs, and the other one is covered, and I do mean COVERED in cow manure.  You take a deep breath, ask yourself why you have dogs, and very carefully attach their leads.  You spend another 30 minutes trying to spray a cow manure covered dog with a garden hose.  Said dog hates water, so you are literally going around in circles, spraying little bits and pieces until finally, he’s clean.  You head towards the house and realize your other dog is gone!  You call her for a good 10 minutes before she comes.  She has muddy paws.  You convince her to walk around the baby pool to clean off her feet.  You FINALLY get inside.  You discover your cat has chewed through that new package of hot dog buns you had sitting on the counter.  You wonder why on earth the cat would eat hot dog buns, through the package, when she had her own food she could eat!!  You make your bed, sweep the floors, and move to the bathroom, you scrub the toilet, and the floors, and put some more laundry on.  You go about doing the rest of your tasks.  You break for lunch, and let your cat inside.  Who comes in carrying a dead gopher.  Uhm, ew?  However, the dead gopher isn’t really a dead gopher, it’s just a wounded gopher.  Your cat wants to teach her kittens how to kill the gopher.  However, the cat and kittens have more fun watching said gopher run around, and enjoy watching me freak out over trying to catch a gopher.  To your horror, the cats, kittens, and both dogs do nothing to catch the gopher.  You now have a wounded gopher in your house, watching you, and probably plotting your demise.  You sigh, and give up, and just try to get your cleaning done.  You get the living room picked up, the laundry folded and in stacks ready to be put away, you get your kitchen done, and are ready to mop.  But first, you have to go back and re stack the laundry the kittens thought were mountains, and re-sweep by the litter box because the kittens think it’s a playground.  Finally!!  Your day is almost done, you scrub your floors, and they’re looking awesome, when you misstep and end up doing some weird skating, splits, ballerina gymnast maneuver trying not to break a hip as you slip across your freshly moped floors.  You are annoyed, but get dinner cooked.  Your husband comes home, and is not paying attention and gets mud on your mopped floors.  He apologizes, you re-mop.  You almost do the splits again.  Your husband washes his greasy hands from work, in the process gets greasy, dirty water on your fresh washed dishes, drying in the dish drainer.  You rewash said dishes.  You sit down for dinner, and are so tired you nearly fall asleep in your plate!  You manage to finish up dinner, and sit down to some tv with your husband.  You're both exhausted, and you decide to go to bed early.  You take a shower first, and feel great getting out of the shower.  You’re getting ready to lay down in your clean bed, and finally get some rest.  You flip on the light to your room only to find a big pile of vomit on your bed.  You have to drag off all the bedding, clean the mattress, dry the mattress, remake the bed and then lay down.  Finally, the day is done!!

((Note:  I have never had all of these things happen at one time, however, all of these things have happened to me at one time or another!  I'm just waiting for the day I have where all these things happen in the course of one day!))


Amy said...

I hear you on the crazy days! I haven't had all this at once yet either, but I can imagine it.

And yes, I have the cats who think the litter box doubles as a playground, too. *sigh* Hope you're having a good weekend!

aimymichelle said...

that would be super torturous