Getting Real: Part Two

Today I’m talking about my marriage.  I’ve been with my husband for 6 years, and have been married for two.  I feel as though I am very lucky to have married my best friend.  I knew Rob very well before marrying him, so when I did get married I wasn’t shell shocked.  I never would have guessed I would find so many socks crammed in different places, and I didn’t realize just how much laundry I would have to do.  I also had no idea my husband was a sleep talker, who tends to yell out random things, and for the first 6 months he would manage to hit me in my sleep!  He seemed to have no perception that someone else was in the bed too!  I swear for the first 6-8 months of being married I felt very sleep deprived.  Below I’m going to share a short list of things I have learned during the course of our relationship.

Relationships fluctuate.  You will have days, weeks, maybe even months where you feel completely in love, connected, and dedicated to your husband.  For my husband and I during these times we can finish each other sentences, and have a tendency to say the same thing at the same time.  You will also have times when you feel disconnected, far away, and may even have a general dislike for your spouse.  When this happens you have a choice to make.  Pout about it, and dwell on all the times he’s made a mistake, or make an effort to fix the issue.  Usually it means spending some quality time with your spouse, telling them your thoughts and feelings, writing a note or even praying.

The first 5 minutes sets the tone.  How you greet your husband when he comes home, can make or break your evening.  I am usually cooking when my husband gets home, even if I feel rushed, or overwhelmed, I try to be happy and pleasant when he comes in.  Usually my husband comes home, munches on whatever he can while I cook, sits down and starts talking about his day.  I cook and listen.  Sometimes he comes home, we talk briefly and he retreats to his comfy chair.  I also have days where he comes in very quiet.  This usually means he’s tired, may not feel well, or has had a long day.  It’s these days when my attitude is especially important.  I listen to what he says, make sure to be as nice as possible, and I always, always, always go out of my way to make him smile or laugh.  Once you get someone smiling and laughing, it starts to change things.  Having a pleasant first few minutes, puts the rest of the evening on the right track.

Communicate.  This is such an important thing to do.  You should ask your husband questions about his day, and ask questions about what he did.  You should also tell about your day, if you learned something new, or saw something interesting in an article or on the news.  Talk about what you would do if you won the lottery, or what his least favorite meal is.  Ask him what he is thinking, what you could do to make his life easier, ask if he wants you to lay out his work clothes or his church clothes.  You could spend your life assuming your husband likes this or that, or that he wants certain things, but unless you ask, you could be neglecting your husband.  Don’t forget to be honest and share the same things about yourself as well!

Be nice.  There are days when I’m tired, or just plain cranky.  The same goes for my husband.  Or maybe a joke gets annoying or goes too far.  For example, two weeks ago my husband and I went shopping.  We’re being ornery and joking with each other.  My husband said something that kind of annoyed me.  So I said something to annoy him.  We nit-picked each other the entire day!  Are we the only couple out there that does this?  If you ever find yourself in this situation, I have the solution for you.  Say you’re sorry, and agree to a truce.  Seal it with a pinky promise, and try to be good for the rest of the day.  I also notice myself being snarky sometimes for no reason.  I just start saying snarky things, and then my husband will say something not snarky, but I find it snarky.  I am almost always tired in these situations.  And you know what I do?  Tell my husband I’m sorry, and go to sleep.  You’ll wake up wondering why you were such a meanie.  This can also happen the other way around.  Sometimes my husband gets super cranky if he’s tired!  Best thing to do is ignore the other person and get them to bed!

Have fun with your husband.  He is your best friend.  Enjoy activities together.  This varies from couple to couple.  For my husband and I it’s watching movies or our favorite shows together, playing video games, going to walmart (even to just walk around) road trips, or sitting by a bon fire.  Tell each other jokes, have tickle fights, throw caution to the wind and just have fun!

I don’t want this to get too long, so I’m going to stop there.  Ladies, remember that your husband is like no other husband.  He was made specifically for you.  Sometimes he’s going to drive you batty, but be thankful for him.  Remember to tell him, and show him you love him often.
What have you learned during the course of your relationship?


Missy said...

I'm blessed to have a husband who's very affectionate. Every day when he comes home he hugs me, kisses me, and tells me he loves me. I know this isn't easy for all men, but it seems to come naturally to him and I'm very blessed for that.

Also, we try not to "go below the belt" when fighting. Making rude or inappropriate comments is never good. My husband is way better at this than I am, but since he is committed to always treating me with respect it makes it so much easier for me to do likewise towards him. (I do slip up sometimes.)

One thing I know I need to work on is to become more interested in the things he's interested in (trucks, guns, four wheeling, etc.) which can be a challenge, but I know spending time together in recreation is very important to most men.

Great thoughts!

Cecillia♥ said...

This was very refreshing to read! I've read many blogs on this site and a lot of women almost seem like they have the perfect marriage lol...it's nice to see I'm not the only one that has those snarky days!

Like Missy, I have a naturally very affectionate husband who I'm very blessed to have :)

I've also learned that the first 5 minutes really sets the tone when he gets home from work. I'm still working on this! With a 4 month old, sometimes my days are just hectic and when my husband gets home I'm sometimes mean or rushed and then for the rest of the night we're kinda cranky with each other. Not good, but I'm working on it :)

Thanks for sharing all these tips!

Rebecca said...

Oh wow! All of this sounds so familiar. I guess we all really experience the same things! This marriage thing is really tough! Glad I'm not the only one! :)

Kirsten said...

The first five minutes definitely sets the tone for the day/evening together! Sometimes my husband and I will just be like, "Do over!" if we are cranky or irritable with each other...then we will laugh and continue on with the day. :)